


Pink and oh so Beautiful

by MLGSpaceDorito



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt, just throwing it out there spinel has bpd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 14:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20932064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLGSpaceDorito/pseuds/MLGSpaceDorito
Summary: Spinel’s parting with Steven sat oddly with her. Maybe she was having second thoughts about rushing into the company of not just another Diamond, but the three who gave Pink her colony and caused her to leave in the first place. It wasn’t that she blamed them persay, it was more that Pink had always been the most compassionate of the Diamonds, and even she left. What hope could she have for companionship amongst three rulers of a dismantled empire who would likely bore of her as her former Diamond had. As they had of her former Diamond. Perhaps what the other Diamonds had felt towards Pink Diamond wasn’t exactly boredom but disdain for her antics, but in the end wasn’t it the same for Spinel? Didn’t Pink too tire of her antics? Something she thought was fun for both of them turned into something almost completely one-sided.





	Pink and oh so Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. Been like 3 years or something since I've posted a fic. Some of you may notice as I begin to post new fics some of my old ones may be cleared out or edited. Hopefully over these few years of not posting content I've improved some in my writing, but I'll let you guys judge that. Also look forward to a nsfw fic featuring Spinearl in the future. Anyway, enjoy :)

Spinel’s parting with Steven sat oddly with her. Maybe she was having second thoughts about rushing into the company of not just another Diamond, but the three who gave Pink her colony and caused her to leave in the first place. It wasn’t that she blamed them persay, it was more that Pink had always been the most compassionate of the Diamonds, and even she left. What hope could she have for companionship amongst three rulers of a dismantled empire who would likely bore of her as her former Diamond had. As they had of her former Diamond. Perhaps what the other Diamonds had felt towards Pink Diamond wasn’t exactly boredom but disdain for her antics, but in the end wasn’t it the same for Spinel? Didn’t Pink too tire of her antics? Something she thought was fun for both of them turned into something almost completely one-sided.

As she sat on the ship headed back to Homeworld she was left with her thoughts and anxieties. She’d be alone again soon enough. Her chest ached, it wasn’t the ache of a blow, but something deep in her core. Suffocating and all consuming. She closed her eyes, one gloved hand coming to clutch the topsy-turvy masterpiece embedded in her torso. The sound of footsteps partially pulled Spinel from the shadows back into the brightly colored ship. Her view was that of pink slippers and darker pink tights. She knew those cute little ballet slippers. How could she have forgotten about her? 

Spinel’s line of sight whipped up to meet the gaze of a one eyed Pink Pearl. Pink, pink as the day she was given to their mutual Diamond. Not white and void of emotion, a cold machine devoid of a personality and doing only White Diamond’s bidding. No, she was pink, oh so beautiful, and smiling! A flurry of emotions welled up inside of her. Happiness to see her old friend, confusion as to how this could even be. She didn’t realize the tears filling the corners of her eyes until they began to blur her vision. She had a trembling smile as she tried to speak, but was only broke with her voice breaking and silence.

“Hello Spinel, it’s so nice to see you again.” Pearl spoke softly and sweetly, her voice like honey and cream. Two dainty hands took cartoonishly gloved hands in her own, crouching down so she was eye level with the pig-tailed gem. 

“Y-You have no idea…” Spinel took a breath, her voice hoarse with the surge of emotion overwhelming her. “How… Happy,” she swallowed thickly. “I am to see you.” She forced out. 

“The feeling is mutual. It’s been so long, it’ll be nice to have a friend around.” She closed her eye for a moment, basking in the presence of her reacquainted friend. Her smile was stronger on the side of her good eye, the cracks spreading over her smoothed over half, where there was no evidence of an eye ever being, did obvious damage, weakening that side of her smile as if it were paralyzed. She was beautiful, and undeniably so. 

“Oh, but don’t tell the other pearls I implied they weren’t my friends.” Pearl laughed, and earned a wet, weak laugh from Spinel as well. She opened her eye and looked deep into Spinel’s. There was no fierce intensity, rather it was more of a compassionate gaze. Almost, one of gratitude. “You and I just have so much more… Personal things in common. We’ve been through a lot together and alone.” 

Spinel made a fart noise, and gave a half smile.

“Well, you got the alone part right.” Spinel quipped, looking to the side as her brow furrowed. One of Pearl’s hands left Spinel’s and the fragile gem feared she said something wrong. As she looked to Pearl a gentle touch came to her cheek. 

“I know you’re in pain Spinel. I’m sure you must have gone through so much. If you’d let me, I’d like to help you heal.” Pearl stood and came to sit beside Spinel. Spinel’s hands left her lap and came to rest at her sides, and Pearl’s hand rested atop the other gems. The casual, soft displays of platonic affection set Spinel’s senses and emotions ablaze. 6000 years and not so much as a hug from a familiar face, and here Pearl was giving her everything she needed and more. She offered her friendship, and affection. The little touchings of hands brought a warmth to her gem. It broke Spinel down internally, and slowly began to on the outside as well. She took a shaky, unneeded breath. 

“When we get back to the palace… Will you show me around again? I don’t know how much it’s changed.” Spinel said, offering a weak smile, turning her hand and taking Pearl’s hand in her own. 

“Apparently a lot. I had to explore myself recently.” Pearl said, laughing softly. Spinel quirked an eyebrow at her statement.“But I’d be happy to show you around.” 

“What happened to _you?_ After White took you away. You changed.” Spinel asked, recalling how the other gem had for so long been little more than a robot. White Diamond’s own plaything. “But… You’re back to your old self now.”

“Steven happened, Pink Diamond’s son. I wasn’t able to see it for myself, something he did caused White Diamond to lose control over me and the other gems she had been controlling. It was like waking up for the first time in thousands of years.” Pearl spoke. She looked ahead, her single eye half lidded in thought, making her look tired more than anything though.

“He’s… A good guy.” Spinel said hesitantly. Truthfully Steven hadn’t hurt her in the least, sure he put his foot in his mouth a few times, but at the end of the day it had all been Spinel lashing out at a stranger. Angry and in pain. Steven began to help her through those feelings, and it seemed Pearl wanted to continue where the Diamond heir left off. “I wasn’t good to him.”

“It’s hard to be good to people when you have so few others to be good to you.” Pearl said, “But you recognize that you were hurt, and that you were hurting others, and you can make the steps to stop.” 

Spinel nodded slowly once, looking down at her pointed shoes. She seemed lost in thought.

“What’s on your mind?” Pearl inquired, looking at her. Spinel looked to her, her mouth stretching into somewhat of a grimace. 

“What if they bore of me? What if White Diamond tries to control you again? Or both of us?” Spinel asked, a slight panic in her tone. Pearl offered her a soft smile, taking one of Spinel’s hands in both of her own.

“They’ve changed over the past 2 years. I won’t lie and say they’re night and day now, but they have made strides to be better. Plus, they’ll love you. You were her favorite.” The one eyed gem tried to assure her companion. Spinel sneered at the last comment.

“Favorite’s aren’t left alone in gardens for over 6000 years.” She grumbled. “Even so, I know I wasn’t her favorite. I had plenty of time to reflect on that. I wasn’t able to replace you. Who could?”

“You’re entitled to your feelings Spinel, I won’t try to tell you how to feel. Still, we both know Pink made mistakes, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love us.” Pearl said. Spinel looked at her, and her annoyed expression softened into one of sympathy as she couldn’t look away from Pearl’s cracked face. She was right, she hadn’t been the only one hurt by Pink Diamond, and she knew she hadn’t hurt Pearl on purpose, so would she have really hurt Spinel purposely? Her feelings were mixed, and she tore her gaze away from Pearl. She didn’t know what to say. The other gem was right, but she still felt hurt. She thought about Pearl’s words though, how she said she was allowed to feel how she felt.

“Thank you, Pearl.” Spinel said with a small voice. She offered a weak smile, and Pearl happily returned it.

“If you don’t mind me asking the question in return as to what happened to you… I’ll admit I’m cautious of your potential answer, and if you don’t want to talk about it please know you don’t have to.” Pearl ventured. Spinel’s smile was wonky, scared of reaction, nervous to confess her traumas.

“When I found out about Pink…” She let out a sad chuckle. “You know, when she was supposedly shattered I didn’t even find out about that? I found out everything from that broadcast to the universe Steven did. And… I broke down. I finally moved from my spot after thousands of years, and when I did,” Spinel held herself, tears running down her cheeks now. Pearl noticed this and place a delicate hand on her shoulder.

“It was like a rush of blinding pain. The realizations that I had been abandoned, that she lived an entire life without me and that she was gone and I’d never see her again.” Spinel began to tremble and sniffle. Pearl watched her with concern, but remained silent, letting her relay her collapse.

“I tried to shatter myself.” She hiccuped. “I didn’t want to exist anymore without Pink. It was like the final seal showing that she was never coming back to me. When she left me there, that was the last time I saw her. It’s the last time I ever will.” Spinel tried with shaking hands to dry her eyes. “And she left me purposely! I was made to be her best friend and I- I wasn’t good enough.” She sobbed. “I’m not good enough for anyone. Especially not now.” 

_ I tried to shatter myself.  _ Pearl’s gut sank and an indescribable feeling filled her. It wasn’t exactly panic, because she could see that Spinel hadn’t been successful, but she  _ was _ worried about her. The Diamonds had told her before she went off to find Spinel that Pink had left her in the garden, as mentioned by Steven, but they waved it off as no big deal. Pearl knew different though, she knew how the other gem relied on companionship. She was a Spinel after all, what Spinel didn’t need someone to call their best friend or mate? Still, Pearl was left staring at Spinel with a tear in her single eye from the revelation of how badly the other was truly hurting.

She couldn’t tell her it would be better, because she couldn’t guarantee that. Even Pearl struggled with her own emotions towards losing Pink. She hadn’t been abandoned like the other, rather taken away as punishment, and she wouldn’t dare try to tell Spinel that what they were each going through was comparable in the least or that she understood her pain, because she didn’t. This pain was Spinel’s to feel and experience on her own, but that didn’t mean Pearl wouldn’t be there to try to help her through it.

“I don’t know what to say aside from that I’m glad you weren’t successful. You’re very near and dear to me Spinel. I can’t express what it means to have you here with me now. And as for being good enough, was Pink even good enough for the other Diamonds? All things considered I think we were perfect for her then and now.” She smiled warmly, wrapping an arm around Spinel’s shoulders and hugging her.

Spinel looked to Pearl, her bottom lip quivering as she tried to keep from panicking. She blinked a few times, focusing on her face. Her beautiful scarred face. Spinel dried her eyes again with one gloved hand before giving a pained smile.

“Thank you, Pearl. I’m sorry I’m far from my old cheerful self.” She apologized. Pearl took Spinel’s hand which now rested in her lap into her own hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. 

“I’m sure with time you’ll heal and feel a reason to be cheerful again.” She offered, her look sympathetic and kind. Spinel let out a somewhat contented sigh as she simply stared at Pearl until the other gem began to blush. Spinel, realizing she was embarrassing the gem, tore her gaze away, dark color filling her own cheeks as well.

Still, as awkward as the pair were, they sat there with one another until they neared Homeworld. It was Blue and Yellow Pearl who were sent to fetch the pair and alert them of their imminent arrival. 

_“Goodness,_ I wouldn’t let the Diamonds see you like that.” Yellow Pearl commented on the sight of Pink Pearl holding Spinel in her lap, her chin resting atop her head as she still held her hand. Pink Pearl rolled her single eye in slight annoyance at her fellow pearl.

“It’s _fine,_ Yellow, so long as you don’t run to your Diamond and gossip about it.” Pink Pearl shot back, her thumb idly rubbing the back of Spinel’s hand. 

Spinel’s mind was elsewhere. Still back in the garden, waiting. Waiting for her Diamond. She was pulled back to reality when Pink Pearl shifted, finally letting go of Spinel’s hand. She looked to Pink Pearl who offered a soft smile, seeming to have picked up on the other gems dissociative state.

“Hey, welcome back.” She said softly. “We’re nearly to Homeworld, so I should go meet with the Diamonds to find out where they want me to bring you.” 

“What do you mean?” Spinel asked.

“Your new room. You’ll be assigned your own personal room.” Pink Pearl explained. Spinel nodded slowly, before finally taking notice of Yellow and Blue Pearl.

“Are you two here for Pink Pearl?” Spinel asked. Blue Pearl nodded slowly and remained quiet. Yellow Pearl on the other hand found annoyance in Spinel’s question.

“How did you not see us enter or hear us?” She asked. Spinel frowned and looked away.

“Leave her alone Yellow, she’s had a rough day.” Pink Pearl snapped, wrapping an arm around Spinel protectively. Spinel didn’t know how to respond, still hung up on Yellow Pearl’s negative reaction to notice Pink Pearl’s embrace. “Actually, she’s had a lot more than just a rough day. Just give us a few minutes, I’ll be right there.”

With a dismissive wave of her hand, Pink Pearl sent the other two Pearl’s begrudgingly on their way. At least, Yellow wasn’t pleased about it. Pink Pearl then turned her attention to Spinel, who had turned her own attention to Pink Pearl in return. She had just now noticed how the other held her, and she was left speechless.

Even given another 6000 years Spinel would not be able to find the words to describe how Pink Pearl made her feel in that moment. She didn’t feel fixed, and she wasn’t necessarily happy, but she felt safe. Something she hadn’t allowed herself to feel once in the past 24 hours. She felt warm with Pink Pearl, and she felt wanted. 

Spinel rest her head against Pearl’s shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment, simply taking in the others scent. It comforted her in a strange way, and it made her gem and the pit of her stomach warm. Pearl held Spinel there for another minute or so before finally breaking the news to the touch starved gem.

“I’ve got to go meet with the Diamonds now, but you can come with me and wait outside the room. Does that sound ok?” She asked. She knew it would be too soon to leave Spinel, especially in the state she was in, but she also unfortunately had a job. She hoped the compromise would be enough for the other gem to get through it.

Initially, panic set in for Spinel. She would be alone again, but she forced herself to focus on Pearl’s words. She could stand outside the door. So, she wouldn’t be too far away. She wasn’t abandoning her, Pearl made that very clear, and in the end that was all Spinel needed. Was to know she wouldn’t be left alone again.

When they arrived to Homeworld Pink Pearl met with the Diamonds to find out where she was to take Spinel. Spinel awaited outside the door for her as she not quite argued, but strongly insisted on any room but the one they chose for Spinel. Still, being the Diamonds they were with little regard for the opinion of a Pearl, even  _ Pink’s Pearl _ , they waved her away and she rejoined Spinel. Pearl began the tour of the palace almost immediately, showing Spinel around the Pink’s palace, not that she really needed it. If anything being back in the palace served as an almost painful reminder of her past life. Still, Pearl being there with her helped.

Finally, they arrived to her new room. Even her greatest fears could not have prepared Spinel for the room she was brought to, as it once belonged to Pink Diamond. As they stood in the doorway of the immaculate room Spinel’s chest tightened. Her eyes searching the area. It had been left as it was from when she was last here. 

Spinel gave a nervous laugh, her hands fumbling with each other as anxiety shook her to her core.

“This is a joke, right, Pearl?” She asked, looking to the other gem who furrowed her brow. Studying the other gem. “It’s not funny!” She shouted, one hand doubling in size as it slammed into the wall. Pearl jolted, but stayed put, watching as the other gem began to cry. “This wasn’t you idea, was it?” She asked, dropping to her knees. She held herself, shaking. Pearl knelt down beside her and cautiously placed a hand on the struggling gems shoulder. 

“You’re right. It wasn’t. This is where the Diamonds instructed I bring you.” Pearl said, frowning. “I tried to get them to choose any other room, but… Who am I kidding, they’ve hardly changed at all when you get down to the nitty gritty.”

“They’re just trying to replace her. That’s what I am- What we are. Here to fill the void for someone who abandoned the ones who loved her.” She said bitterly, wiping away tears with a gloved hand. Pearl, gentle as she had been before, and as Spinel knew she would continue to be, pulled Spinel into a warm hug. Spinel rest her head against Pearl’s shoulder as gem simply held her there for a moment.

“You can stay in my quarters with me until we’re able to have a moment with the Diamonds and can properly insist you have a different room. Does that sound alright?” Pearl asked. Spinel looked up at her in partial disbelief.

“A-Are you sure?” The jester themed gem asked.

Pearl stood, taking Spinel’s hands in her own, and pulled the other gem to her feet as well. 

“Absolutely. Honestly, it’ll be nice to have the company.” She smiled. With that, she led Spinel out of room they were in. As Spinel walked away she looked back, and could have sworn she saw Pink standing there for just a second… She blinked, confused, and was greeted with an empty room that slowly faded into the background as she fell in step with Pearl. She looked to Pearl, and then forward. No more looking back. No more Pink Diamond.


End file.
